lately i’ve been either sleeping too much or barely at all. there’s no in between. i wake up tired either way.

i don’t really talk about how i feel. i just don’t see the point. it’s not that i don’t have emotions, i just don’t know what to do with them. most of the time i don’t even realise they’re there until i’m alone, and then suddenly they are. not loud or overwhelming, just quietly sitting there.

i keep myself distracted. i stream, i play valorant, i reply messages, i laugh at things. it works, kind of. until it doesn’t.

everything feels dull. not bad, just... flat. like someone turned the saturation down on life and forgot to turn it back up. food doesn’t taste like anything. music sounds the same. i scroll through my feed and forget what i just saw two seconds later.

sometimes, i think about what it would feel like to not be here anymore. not in a dramatic way. it just crosses my mind. like a background process running quietly in the back.

i’m not really looking for help. i’m not even sure why i’m writing this. maybe just to get it out of my head. maybe because i’m tired of acting like everything’s fine when it’s obviously not.

i don’t expect anything to change. but i guess part of me is still hoping it will. even if i don’t feel it right now.